Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize