when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
