Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
