He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
