no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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