weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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