You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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