jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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