Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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