Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
