My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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