its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
