You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
