if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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