I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
