I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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