There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
