so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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