it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
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