I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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