i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
