I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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