ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize
