You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
