last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
