hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
