Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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