just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
