So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize