the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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