Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
