he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So vagazzling was a success
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