This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
