Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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