Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
