You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
