oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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