So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
well you can't waste a boner
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
