So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
