I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
