mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
