he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize