Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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