I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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