thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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