The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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