Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
