I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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