remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
