I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
