At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
