omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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