I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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