Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize