you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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