I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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