Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
did you just send me my own nude
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
