You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
