I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I did not marry a roomba.
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