her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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