apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
