I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
