Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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