last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
