He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
