I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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