Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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